Life is not what it seems

2008-11-06T05:34:00.000-08:00

i cant fake a smile no more .
i think my heart's turning sore .
cos it was just u and me ,
but i know we werent ment to be .

i thought it's going to last a little bit longer .
now i wish i was just a little bit stronger .
but i think its always too much .
too much , but its just is'nt enough .

incomplete, will try complete tmr or sumthink .
with my cuzen.

2008-10-10T00:44:00.000-07:00

many many months unupdated blog . how could i even blog when whats happening is undescribable . thanks to SHARIFAH FATIMAH AZZAHRA, who has bugged me to blog, im blogging, haha . my best friend from TKGS (: yeah . i miss her a lot ! been too busy with stuff and life (its always that i'm busy, or its her thats busy) . sadded by it . ):

hmm.. i could start talking about my day.. it was okay i guess.. maths paper 2.. love maths! i need to get an A for maths! my aunty wants to get me something for it.. hehe(:
went to meet someone who threatens to eat my thumb.. haha.. but i love him so much though..
went home, eat, went swimming for an hour, eat, replied smses frm a few people, use the computer until now.. at the same time play songs on my guitar, sing.. USED MY BRAIN(wow. not everyday i used it. Right sharifah?) . tried to write a song.. hahas.. other than that.. thats all so far.. i guess there isnt much to say when its only half a day gone! hmm.. maybe i should start designing my t-shirt (mother says im too picky on designs on the tees.) haha.. what should i draw?? hmm..

okay.. someones bugging me to post this.. okie dokie!! chillax!

-end-

2008-08-04T04:25:00.000-07:00

I dont know how to really describe my feelings sometimes.. i see myself full of imagination.. but it makes myself wonder how the world would be if we all had superpowers! haha.. ive always wanted to fly and see the worlds natural wonders as it seems so nice to be at places with waters that are just so clear and see your toes even when the water reaches your ears.. u might be wondering what this has got to do with flying.. well.. if u can fly, u wouldnt have to pay for the plane tickets and waste fuel that may just harm the world.. so yeah.. i also would love to go scuba diving as it seems so fun cos we would get to see the fishes so close up.. (aunty nini! i wanna take courses with you, go to the maldives and have an adventure someday!)

i was hoping that my parents soon would decide to go to a place that has beaches and nice scenery that i can veiw from the balcony of my hotel room.. but no.. my sisters wanted to go to a place thats cooling and enjoy at theme parks that i can say happen like every year.. so this year, what difference would it make if i were to say something like dat? but i guess i just have to enjoy what my parents decide for me to go at the end of the year.. im going to Hong Kong again and this time i hope i get to see Pooh and Tigger again.. but i wanna have Pluto and Goofy first! Duh! my most favourite Mickey Mouse show characters.. hehe.. this year, too, my mum said cos im old enough?, i have to go take the ride Space Mountain alone?! not afraid really.. i just can't believe that its just gonna be my family and my cousins are not comming! no fair~ again.. ill be the one who takes all the fun rides alone..

it aint all that fun not having a sister or brother around your age.. haiz..

A day that i would treasure..

2008-07-29T02:34:00.000-07:00

hm.. yesterday, after sch, i rushed out of class and decided to go for band.. then someone told me that band was cancelled?? after that i had to think of a place to go to and i was thinking about going to my favourite place.. i didn't ask him* though.. he messaged me.. wondering if i had plans and i didn't realise he messaged me then he called me.. i picked up the call and told him i had no plans.. then he asked if i wanted to go to my favourite place.. and i was like.. err.. okay.. i couldn't stop smiling cos that place was the beach..

my time spent yesterday with him aft sch.. it was fun.. it started off great.. i waited for quite some time.. then when he came, i had no idea on what to react really.. i was about to shut down and like say nothing cos i don't know why but i was a little bit shy.. but i tried to talked anyway.. then while waiting for the bus, his friend was there?! then i was about to panic but i didn't.. he knew i was about to panic, he said ayo! panic! panic!.. i just said okay i donno wad to say cos he kept staring at us.. which was super weird.. i cant help myself but looked away and.. well.. just fig it a lot.. then my friend from damai came.. she was like smiling at me and all those stuff.. i couldn't say much really.. at that time, i had a mindset to switch off.. and so i couldn't say much.. he helped me loosen up until i talked like my normal self again but that was when we were in the bus.. so yeah..

when we reached our stop, we walked towards east coast.. once there, we searched for a nice place to sit down.. we saw this bench and sat there facing each other.. he was facing the water and i was facing the road.. then he asked me to sit beside him so that i could admire the scenery with him.. so i did.. then we looked at the clouds.. we thought about what he looked like..

moments later, we decided to go nearer to the water.. sit at the rocky part and looked out.. looked at the ships and the clouds and the planes and then the living creatures around that area.. it was really nice there.. there was this one part that i couldn't get out of my head.. it was something he said.. i thought about it the whole day today.. and i couldn't stop thinking about him either..

in class just now, i was thinking about messaging him because i didn't want to disturb him i decided not to.. i deleted what i was typing and 2 seconds later he messaged me.. that was kinda weird but i think I'd better get used to it.. now I'm at home doing nothing.. just waiting till he gets home and i can go call him or something.. oh yea.. i haven't had lunch! and now is like 6 plus?! okay.. I'm gone.. (:

2008-07-26T21:18:00.000-07:00

hey! hmm.. so long nvr update.. hehe.. its called lazyness.. haha.. havnt had the chance to use the computer without my sisters bugging me and reading what i type out either in my blog or chatting with my friends.. so yeah.. now im quite alone.. my sisters will cum out soon so i haf to type fast.. hehe....

hmm.. lets see. for the past few days ive been lepak-ing with a the usual three people.. so yeah.. still havnt had the chance to go out with him* yet.. still thinking of what really happend yesterday.. supposed to go watch a movie.. but it seems that there had been a last minute change.. but its okay.. still thinking about stuff now.. my aunty and my uncle interrogated me yesterday to find out more about me being a teenager?? dat one was really weird.. forget about that.. aniway.. my sisters are cuming already so i gtg..

2008-07-14T02:02:00.000-07:00

it seems that today was Be Sick Day and i didnt know about it~ today all my closer friends were like, weirdly sick in some way or another and i was like.. the only one that was not.. like so weird.. then other than that.. ever since the morning when i realised that teddy bear* tried to call me but couldnt get through cos i was asleep, i couldnt stop thinking about him.. well.. cant say much.. i guess i really miss him..

yesterday, when i had nothing much to do, i just edited my song [memory] cause i remembered what my aunty said to improve on it.. she said its like writting a story only it had a tune in it.. well.. yeah.. but i think i wanna improve the tune on maybe the guitar part or remake it and play it on the piano.. i showed the lyrics to my friend and she told me to take a video of me playing it and post it on youtube.. the thing is, i guess im a little shy about it.. ive seen a photo of me on the papers and on the net but if its a video, err.. well i think its just weird.. i mean its kind of showing to the world cause its like.. err.. well.. universal? i guess so.. i just think its weird for me to do that.. if i ever wanna really do it, i guess i will start of with a cover of other people's song first.. i wont wanna jump start on everything.. to me its like, you're afraid to fly but you want to go see the clouds while you're in a plane..

you know how much you feel like floating and to see what its like being in the clouds.. feel yourself touching the sky and know that you wont hurt yourself because you feel that someone is always right there to catch you before you hit the ground.. well.. thats how i feel right now.. im not exactly falling if thats what youre thinking.. ever wondered what was behind the clouds? ever thought that maybe theres candyfloss.. somewhere in my mind, i feel like theres a land at the back of my head where i just sit and think through whatever it is im stressed about.. its been a long time since ive been there but i will never forget what its called.. people may call it Lala Land but i call it Candy land.. it makes you think of all the sweet people and make you forget all the things that youre stressed about.. i dnt just go there when i go to sleep, i go there when i get tired and start dreaming.. in candy land, there is a rainbow.. at the end of it, there is a pot of candy.. funny how i cant seem to get the candy.. it always seem to get fuzzy and disappear and thats then i get zapped back into reality.. dont you ever wish that somethings dont happen only in fairytales? maybe a land of chocolates? haha..

2008-07-09T05:32:00.001-07:00

The past few days had been nothing but a bore.. Well exept at night when im on the phone teddy bear*.. he is one of my many reasons for my smile..hehe..

hmm.. for the next few days, i dnt think i can make use of my thumb too much.. more like, make use of my wrist.. maybe carry light things okay ah.. im only afraid of what will happen to it the next day.. omg! i just remembered.. friday mcm aner?? my clarinet! then my quarter master files?! so shytes!

i cnt say much about today really.. well ppl can ask me if im alright, but i cant really say that i am.. just that maybe im just feeling like my world has just turned upside down.. Mr Nemrekoj was being a usual unreasonable person. i donno how to say things right now.. just feel so bloody pissed off.. haiz.. i guess it may just be my fault but it wasnt by choice.. it was his choice to do it aniwae.. i guess for the next few days, im not gonna talk to him until the thing is settled.. it may take at least 2 mnths..

another day~ (2)

2008-07-04T06:32:00.000-07:00

today, my "teddy bear* woke me up this morning.. like 5 mins after i went back to sleep after my first alarm.. the weird thing was that.. if it was he who called me or msged me to wake up.. theres no going back to sleep after.. i dnt really know why.. then when i went to school.. i was like in a rush cos i was like carrying alot of things.. so i asked my water boy to meet me infront of the general office.. then okay i passed it to him.. then another thing happened.. he couldnt come for band.. so my water boy passed it to some1 else.. then he went home early.. so my water bottle.. i donno what happened to it.. then during practice i had to run around.. then fat* keep distracting me with his lame jokes during stock check.. boss?* put alot of pressure on me.. until the whole thing gave me headache and plus my stomache hurts.. gastric pain.. then i had to run around up and down to get each section to go down.. in the end i just ask the section that comes down to ask then nxt to come down after they are done checking.. after that was like.. then mdm nava gave me alot of info to take note of until my head felt like its gonna burst.. but what ever it is.. i think i just ask boss?* again until im confident with what i have done.. then suddenly i felt like fainting.. so i just told Big Boss** that i wasnt feeling well.. so i went out if the room.. then wanted to go the toilet to wash my face.. my section said that i looked pale.. then in the toilet.. siti almost fainted.. i pulled her up.. then like.. donno what happen.. she asked if im okay then she wanted to carry me.. but dats so not gonna happen seh.. i mean i look at her already like unstable.. not that i wanted her to carry me la.. but i think it was really weird.. the fact that we both were in the toilet and not feeling well.. then she wanted to carry me and all that.. i had to try get her stabled but i myself wasnt so stabled.. hehe.. so i donno la.. then send her back to the room where we were combined.. i just like leaned forward.. and closed my eyes.. then went to keep the instruments and then after band went out of the sch.. went to buy some food and ate there.. but i couldnt finish eating my food cos i felt pain in my stomache.. so i passed my food to whoever who wants it la.. malik and jiafeng.. so yeah.. then went somewhere b4 i went home.. then nw im otp.. and typing.. getting bored really.. haiz.. gotta get some sleep.. so.. gd night.. :)

another day~

2008-07-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

Hey.. well.. this is my first post im my blog.. haha.. okay ive got nothing much to say actually.. so i guess i'd just talk about my day.. from the moment i woke up.. well..i had a little trouble waking up today.. not sure why... i guess i was just too tired.. even though i slept at around 10?? i think i was enjoying my sleep too much that i couldnt wake up.. but i had a super strange dream?! it was like so weird that.............okay now i remember why i didnt wanna wake up.. cos the dream was so weird that i woke up a few times.. hehe.. i think u'd be better off not knowing what its about.. u would be scared to death... haha! I think from now onwards.. i will be referring my life like a fairytale.. I THINK only..

okay.. it seems that today, after i woke up, i fell off the bed as usual.. and then went off to go bathe.. then i took my time to take my clothes and all that lah.. okay.. after that i realised that my phone had a miss call frm my "teddy bear*.. haha.. i wanted to msg him back but i didnt wanna wake him up so i decided to just wait till maybe around 8?? but i was thinking about him for a moment and then i recieved a msg frm him.. haha.. how weird.. he was like so sweet this morning! hehe.. then aft that went to school then went to the canteen.. sit around for awhile then went to the hall.. tried to hide from miss ginny cos i havnt really finish the class t-shirt.. haha.. then went for music class and like.. damn.. waited for more than 30 minutes for the music teacher.. then mr azlan took over.. then after that was PE and it was something like tennis time.. haha.. it was quite fun=D
then recess.. i got slapped by syuhada.. then went for history lesson.. then got more intrested in mr shahid's class cos i wanna pass so i keep telling myself that i love history.. hehes.. thats all i have to say for now.. haha..im getting tired.. so yeah..

dats all! toodles:)